I give up.

after being beaten down and broken too many times...i give up. maybe some people are just meant to be alone, but it makes it so much harder when you know what it feels like, but you cant have it. i'm sick of all the lies, deciet, and bullshit. i'm tired of all the mind games and empty promises. a part of me is just glad that i'm done with high school and now i have the chance to go out on my own and start my own life, and leave the past behind. i dont know where it all went wrong, but i couldve sworn that at one time, i lived a happy life. now all i do is work. maybe i'm just filling in the emptiness in my life, or i've just become such a loser that all i do is work.

maybe i should just leave. just pack up and go, it'll be like i never existed.

i know this entry is mainly just incoherent ranting, so ill shut up now. congradulations to all the class of 2006...WE DID IT BABY!! Look out college...HERE WE COME!

Currently Listening Melt By Rascal Flatts see related

The confusion I call my life

Its amazing...the situations I can get myself into. I don't know what to say or do. I know the odds are against me and the chances of things working out in my favor are slim to none, but for some reason, that just makes me want it even more. I know its wrong, I know its not supposed to be, but I can't deny the feelings I have inside. I dont understand so many things. Why does it feel like I've known her for my whole life, when I've only met her this year? Why do I miss her and think of her when we aren't even together? I have so many questions in my mind, and no one can answer them. I get frustrated when I dont understand something, and this whole situation I'm in is definitely frustrating.

Amazing. Its amazing how life and fate have their ways of bringing two people together. I just wish I knew what the future was, so I knew what decision to make; which road to travel. I'm lost, I'll admit it. I'm completely lost. I dont know how someone has managed to get to me like this, especially after how I've tried to stop everyone from being close to me. I guess she caught me off guard, I dont know.

School is quickly comming to a close. I'm not going to school the last week; I advanced placed and I'm doing Capstone, so I only have 7 more days of actual class left. To be honest, I'm gonna miss it. CTC has been one of the best decisions I've ever made. The school and especially the people have shaped me into who I am today, and given me direction in my life. I feel confident about my career, although I know I have a lot of work ahead of me.

I think I've been going through a transitional period in my life. My new job has changed how I manage my time, and working two jobs while going to school has helped to teach me how it will be in the real world. My time management skills are definitely improving, but sometimes it just feels like there's not enough time in a day.

Thats all for now; I hope everyone's ready for graduation, and that everyone is doing well. Leave some comments and let me know how ya'll been.

Ben

Currently Watching Blow (Infinifilm Edition) By Penélope Cruz, Johnny Depp see related

Confused is the nice way of saying I'm lost...

I just don't get it. I know the odds of it working out in my favor, and lets face it, the odds are against me

Why is it that we always want what we know we can't have?

If it were only lust, would that person be on your mind all the time?

I know none of this makes any sense, but if you wanna know what it means, hit me up.

Hope everyones doing good. Graduation is getting closer and closer...are you ready for it? :/

Time...Its like living like you were dying

Hey everyone. I just thought I should update and let everyone know whats been going on. I've been working so much lately, monday thru friday typically, and I might be picking up saturday and sunday hours, depending on how it all works out. My new job is working out very well for me. I'm gettin the hang of things, and everyone I work with is nice n laid back. Its pretty easy work, so I can't really complain. Things at Herle's are rediculous. Prom season is running us all ragged. They want me to work more but between both jobs, there's jsut not enough time. I've been doing a lot of car and computer jobs on the side, which uses up a good amount of what limited free time i have. Hopefully once graduation is over, things will be a little easier to handle. I have to say though, getting out at 11:30 is great. I've been working on getting my grades up, and right now its all A's and one B, but i'm trying. The last quarter of senior year is almost impossible to stay focused, but I cant let my grades slip now. My last day of school is the 12th, and I'll have a field trip that day too. Graduation is May 22nd at the Nutter Center (and I expect everyone to come and be as loud as you possibly can!). The reason I get so much time off school is because I'm doing this program called Capstone. It allows students who are comfortably passing and eligible for graduation the chance to work a minimum of 30 hours. Between both jobs, that should be no problem at all, especially since I wont haveto get up and go in early everyday. I'm getting anxious about all of this; graduation, college, there's so much comming at me at one time.  

I wanted to write more, but we're a lil busy right now, so i'll update more later.

New job...beginning of a new life...

I know its been forever since the last post I made. The truth is, I've just been entirely too busy for it. Life has changed so much in the past few months, its hard to describe. Emily and I are over, and I highly doubt us ever getting back together, and if it did happen, it wouldn't be for quite a long time. I've learned alot lately, some good, some bad. I've learned that no matter who a person may be, you can't fully trust them. And I've learned that love does not exist, or at least in this point in my life. I'm learning how to get by on my own now; a more independent lifestyle. The truth is, it'll take a long time to get over a girl like her, but thats just how it goes. I've just been trying to keep my head up and not let it keep me from living my life. Certain events that have occured lately have changed who I am. I can't say what that is, but its probably one of the worst feelings you can have. There's not enough superglue and duct tape in the world to repair the damage, but I guess thats just a fact i'll have to deal with. On a good note, I only have to go 1/2 days at CTC now. I got a job at Sinclair as an IT Lab Assistant, which qualifies me for advanced placement. Its definitely nice being able to leave school at 1130 everyday. But, my work schedule has definitely increased. I work monday through friday at two jobs, mostly in the afternoon/evening. Its going to be difficult, but I think i'll be able to handle it. The financial incentive is definitely a good source of motivation.

There's a lot more I could write, but I'm on my first day on my new job so I probably shouldn't even be on here. Hope everyones doing alright. Peace ya'll